Reflections of 2013

The year 2013 has come and gone in a blink of an eye. I know they say Senior year flies by but I didn't expect it to go by so fast first semester! I've accomplished a lot in the year 2013. I became an official member of Delta Beta Sigma at the beginning of the year. I applied and got accepted to several internships and volunteer organizations at hospitals and got to help make some other sick kids live's a little bit easier. I went to Camp M.A.S.H as a junior camp counselor last summer and met several life long friends also battling arthritis and other related diseases. I've become even more involved in the CCFA(How is that possible?!) & I even got accepted to be on the Ronald McDonald House Red Shoe Krewe. Oh, and I got my license. That's pretty important, right? ;)

I made several academic accomplishments. I've applied and been accepted to colleges. I was voted Chaplain of my the band for the second year in a row and was voted Chaplain over the band. I've maintained very good grades despite my illnesses.

I was admitted to the hospital 3 times this year during most of my Summer but I didn't let my diseases hold me back. I was also DX with another disease, Endometriosis. I've gained and lost doctors about as frequently as I gain and lose weight. 

I've met and lost friends. I'm not happy about the friends I lost but I know that everything falls apart and comes together for a reason. It's a part of life and most of these people that are my friends will be gone and scattered across the country after May. 

I've learned some tough life lessons but I'm glad I learned them in my youth rather than later. I've come a long way in 2013. I've become a lot more social and accepting. I think I've finally found out who I am in this world after a lot of internal conflict and in 2014 be prepared to see the Elizabeth I've always wanted to be because I'm tired of living life trying to please any & everyone but myself. Time to grow up in 2014. Time to own who I am. 

Fortune Cookie

When we were 13 we had to write a letter to our future self that we would open before graduation and I'm really not looking forward to opening it. We wrote the letter a month after I got my gallbladder taken out; the surgery that changed my whole life and ruined my health. God, I was so naive but also slightly skeptical. At that point I started questioning doctors. Part of me genuinely thought and believed the doctors who told me I was crazy and the pain would go away if I just "think it away." but the other part of me took it upon myself to look into if it was "normal" for a 13 year old girl to cry herself to sleep every night in pain. Unable to get out of bed some days because my legs simply did not work. I have mentally blocked out some parts of my 8th grade year. It comes in flashbacks in my dreams though. Especially on Prednisone. I wake up screaming because it's so real. It's like I can see myself holding a razor in the bath tub contemplating taking my own life. It quite frankly scares the hell out of me that I experienced all of that at 13.

I vaguely remember asking myself if I accomplished any goals, if I dated that cute boy I had a crush on in home room, if I got my black belt and if I was happy. I'll get to take great pride in answering yes to some of the questions but for the others I won't and knowing that really pains me. I know it's of no fault of my own but I imagined high school to be so different in 8th grade. I imagined going to wild party's, kissing really cute boys, becoming a certified Taekwondo instructor, sneaking out and so much more but now all I do is sit in bed like now thinking of the could've would've and should've's, going to doctors appointments, taking medicine every day of my life, and losing friends left and right. So I just want to take time to write to my 8th grade self. 

Dear beautiful Elizabeth, 

I'm not God or a doctor but I have a lot of answers to the questions you've been asking yourself & some advice from the older you, the 17 year old you.

This probably isn't what you wanted to hear first off. I'm sure you want your bazillion other questions answered first but I must tell you that you were right. How is this bad you ask? You were right that the doctors are wrong. You are seriously ill. Physically. Not mentally. Although, you're mental health could need some uplifting. You have this thing called Crohn's Disease with related arthritis as well as Endometriosis and a host of other medical problems. Unfortunately you will have to endure literal hell for a few years because stupid doctors don't believe you but just grin and bear it and play their stupid games. Dr. Scroggie. Remember him. You'll meet him in a few months & although he'll mis DX you at first, he's a great guy. He'll fix you up for a few months and you'll completely forget you were ever sick. But after 4 months of a semi "remission(where symptoms are gone)" you'll be sick again. You'll finally cave and go back to seeing him your sophomore year of high school. Be nice to him. He's on your side. I know he sounds like a smarty pants but it's not personal. But all the other doctors? Dismiss them. They literally do not care if you live or die. Don't give them the benefit of the doubt. Let them earn your respect. Anyways, Crohn's Disease. It is a inflammatory bowel disease. You have inflammation in your digestive system as well as ulcers. A precursor to Crohn's can be extreme joint pain known as Crohn's arthritis. That's why your joints feel like they are being wripped from your limbs. There's no cure for it. Endometriosis? Well you know what that is because mom had it. Good news though? Crohn's can go into remission. You haven't been in remission yet but we're working on it. I won't waste time talking about the treatments. It's nothing compared to what you've already been through. Oh, and put the razor down. Don't hurt yourself anymore than you already are. I know that no one understands and you're only 13 but that won't solve anything. I know you're smart and won't act on it but still. Just don't do that baby girl. You have to be strong.

Now to the good stuff: You aren't fat. I know that's one of your primary questions. Curvy & puffy from steroids(will come to that later) but not fat. I know you said in the letter to me that "You are beautiful even if you're overweight." Well I'm actually not lying to you. When you wrote that later you were over weight and I know you really hated yourself for it but I'm not lying to you. You ARE, presently, in shape, beautiful, funny, smart and quite frankly lovely. So, take a sigh of relief. 

You quit Taekwondo. I don't know how else to tell you but yeah. You're too sick to do it anymore. You will miss it every day of your life. You WILL get your black belt though before quitting. I hope that makes you happy :)

You did not date that cute boy. You actually haven't dated anyone at all. But the cute boy you liked? Well y'all are too much alike for your own good. A lot of drama will take place between you two and you both have too much pride to apologize but do me a favor and please apologize. That's my biggest regret of high school. Y'all will become friends again eventually but y'all have lost precious time as friends. 

I just want to give you a list of positive people that will heavily influence your life so be on the look out for these angels in disguise:

• Kassady

• Meredith

• Madison

• Brylee

• Mrs. Anderson

• Mrs. Stanford

• Mrs. Beason

• Dr. King

• Dr. Scroggie

All of these people will help you tremendously when it comes to getting through tough times. Some more so than others. Some will leave your life but that's only because God knows you no longer need them. Kassady, Meredith, Dr. King & Mrs. Anderson are the people that you will love unconditionally and they will love you unconditionally.

I don't want to tell you much more because I feel like I've taken out a lot of big surprises for you but I will tell you one last thing: Put your faith in The Lord and not people. People will disappoint you, use you, and abuse you. The Lord will not. 

With much love,

17 year old Elizabeth.

I Have Found Who I am Supposed to be

Cried happy tears for the first time in years today. I was in Coach Skoda's Bible class class in 6th period just thinking "God give me a sign that nursing is the career for me." & I got that and more. I have been battling going into nursing school after graduating for so many personal reasons. I just felt like that this illness has taken away my dream of being a doctor and that there's no way I can make a impact in patient's life as a nurse practitioner because I have never had a nurse make an positive impact in my life. Besides, most nurses only see a patient for a few days and then never see them again. I was thinking how can I impact someone's life in just a few days?

Back to the story. Coach Skoda is a bible teacher that is known for telling random stories that seemingly have nothing to do with each other and then tying it all together to make a powerful message. Well he was finishing up with a lesson about being a Christian living in two worlds. He told us that he was once a wishy-washy Christian but once he became a Christian that lived in one spiritual world that God just orchestrated every one of his problems to work out perfectly. He then told another story about how a leper touched Jesus and how she was healed immediately because she had faith. He then asked "If Jesus walked in this room how many of y'all would want to touch him?" I shot my hand up and just thought about how amazing it would be to just touch God and be healed. He then said  "The same God that healed that woman can heal you through the Holy Spirit if you just have faith. A touch from God whether it be spiritual or physical is powerful." 

He then talked about the verse Psalm 37:4 "Delight thyself in The Lord and he will give you the desires of thy heart." Coach Skoda  looked me straight in the eye and said "Do you know what delight thyself means? It doesn't mean to be happy in the Lord it means to have a soft and pliable heart. You may say "What if my desires aren't God's desires?" Well according to this verse if you remain soft and pliable God's desires for you will become your desire also." 

That right there was enough to bring physical tears to my eyes. That was exactly what I needed to hear. I just needed to have confirmation that if I develop into the Christian God wants me to become(not wishy-washy), and have a soft pliable heart then he will take care of my feelings and give me peace about applying to college and eventually majoring in nursing. 

What he said next was just over top. 

Coach Skoda said "God is our potter and we are the clay. He will mold us into who or what you are supposed to be as long as you are soft and pliable like Psalm 37:4 says. If God wants you to be a nurse and you follow though with his wish even if you aren't sure that's right for you then he will bring honor to your name."

I completely lost it then. He gave me so much confirmation. Coach Skoda could have used any career as an example but he used nurse. I was overwhelmed and if you know me you know I don't cry in front of anyone but I did today! 

And what he said about the leper woman being touched by God & healed because she had faith? I was told Sunday night at church(The River) by a woman that "I just want to let you know that if you have faith you will be healed."  Remember? I made a status about it? & I was then told by the people who prayed over me at church that Elizabeth is the name of royalty and that when God heals me he will bestow honor to my name and I will be able to heal others by touching them.

How insane is that? What are the chances that I would be told by two separate within days of each other that by faith I am healed? What are the chances that those different people would say that honor would be brought to my name and that it is no coincidence my name is Elizabeth, the queen of royalty? What are the chances that someone, MONTHS ago created this FB page for me to post updates on called the QUEEN OF CROHN'S? Queen-as in royalty-as in my name Elizabeth? 

And you know what else just hit me? I was told by the prayer warriors at The River that I would be a faith healer and my touch would heal others in the future. Guess what nurses do? They take care of their patients by TOUCHING them whether it be to give them shots, change their IV dressings, take their temperature/blood pressure etc.

I am now completely at peace with going into nursing school. God is good! Sorry that this was so long but I just had to say how good our God is. I'm having faith that God will take this pain and use it as a testimony to my future patients that God is the ULTIMATE PHYSICIAN!

The Healing Series

Tonight my mom got a text from her friend inviting us to go to her church because she had a feeling God had something good in store for us. The church was a physical stranger to me but I have heard great things about the church because some friends from school go there. My freshman year of high school I found out the preacher was a friend of mines dad after he spoke at a school chapel. Although I was feeling absolutely miserable I drug myself to their church with a slightly closed mind that it was just going to be another church. 

Much to my surprise the church was more than I imagined. It wasn't a good church service. No, no it was much more than that. The service opened up with a very modern praise and worship band jamming out to some of my favorite songs. A guest speaker spoke about leadership and being a missionary. He was so encouraging and just made me think: No matter what I major in I will make a huge difference as long as I become obsessed with living life unto The Lord. I will be a world changer. Sure, some doors have closed and I made the sad realization that going to medical school is not practical & neither is PA school and it will probably be the best for me to be *just* a nurse. I have been struggling with the idea of being a nurse because I've always dreamed of being a doctor and thought that was what God wanted me to do. I also have always had issues with nurses during hospital stays that are mean, rude and just flat out hate their job but after tonight I think I am coming to the realization that, just like how I wanted to make a difference in patients life as a doctor, I can do just that and more as a nurse(and future nurse practitioner) one day. 

After the sermon was over praise and worship ensued again and no matter how hard I tried to continue to worship, my body was just dead and writhing in pain. A young lady came up to me and asked me what my name was. I told her I was Elizabeth and she said "You know that's a strong powerful name. That's royalty." To which I thought "Well I am the Queen of Crohn's" Hahaha! She continued to tell me that God was going to heal me and slightly implied that the reason why I wasn't healed was because I didn't have faith. That made me a little mad. Ok a lot mad but then I just took a deep breath and said "Elizabeth keep an open mind. She's not making snide remarks. She has no idea how spiritual you are and how much faith you have. You are chaplain at FAITH Academy for gooses sake!" I just wish I could tell her that I already know god is going to heal me & that the reason I'm not healed is not due to a lack of faith it's because God is still using my pain as a ministry to others & he will heal me in his timing but, alas, I didn't. & I am oh so glad I didn't because what happened after that was amazing. She called over the pastor and an elderly couple that were prayer warriors and they prayed over me in a way that no one has prayed before. They prayed in JESUS name for no more inflammation in my body or polyps or any discord and for my cells to multiply and then they anointed me with oil from Jerusalem(which is a first) and something crazy happened. My intense stomach pain went AWAY! It lasted just for an hour but still for that hour the pain was gone and the pain is no where near as bad as it was going in the church now. 

I am so happy I went to their church tonight it was phenomenal!

Dr. Why?

So today I had another big infusion after senior breakfast(which is a big get together fellowship thing with all the seniors and their parents and we eat and yeah).

My face looks so chubby; gotta love that prednisone!

Anyways, yesterday we tried to get an appointment with a GI that sees adults that I've heard good things about that's in the same group as my Rheum only to find out today that we got an appointment with a GI today, right after my infusion, who is in the same group as my Rheum but not the doctor I wanted to see. I got the guy that I've heard bad wasn't so great. Oh Joy.

In the mean time my mom finally got a call back from my GI specialist in Gardendale after we left messages saying that my not only did my Rheum not admit me yesterday like he asked him to because of my low immune system but he also put me on freaky high prednisone infusions at a place that was not....sterile to say the least(trying to abide by HIPPA y'all). My GI was not happy with him for not following directions but it was too late.

We met the new local GI in the same group with my Rheum and my first impression went as followed: he marched in the room, slung his clipboard on the table(the bed looking thing you lay on) and plopped into the chair and quickly spewed out questions without missing a beat. The questions weren't as accusing like other mean doctors do. I guess he at least has some sense that it's not my fault not all of my doctors can agree on meds and which ones will put me in remission. He threw meaningless jabs & random questions at me to the effect of "What year and date where you DX? Why did you take that medicine? Do you even know what meds you are on?" and I threw the jabs back with my quick accurate responses. He simmyed down after that and didn't relay any eye contact. It all went so quick it was like he had a set amount of questions in his mind to ask and didn't let me ask any myself. Basically what happened is he stated: Assuming your DX is correct, and you are flaring and have yet to get in remission and from what you are telling me about your disease location we can put you on Imuran/6 MP. If you are still feeling bad in a few weeks even on steroids I can scope you but there's no telling how skewed the results can be. If you do have a lot of scarring and ulceration in the small bowel then you probably need to get surgery so we can start over. If I scope you and you are in remission that doesn't mean you don't have Crohn's it just means you have another problem.

So basically he had all these ideas that he didn't put into action and he didn't and neither did ANY of my doctors set up a long lasting plan if I still continue to have problems other than "Call the office" crap that, as I've come to know us a cop out of "I really don't care at this moment come back when your on your death bed."

I'm just so emotionally drained from all these doctor's appointments. I just wish I had a small set of doctors in the same practice which is what we tried to do today but the GI acted like he has never talked to my Rheum before. I just want a doctor compassionate like my GI doctor in Birmingham(and his personality), who is well respected(like my old GI) and who has some sort of plan(like my rheum) & who doesn't accuse me of being a pill popping drug seeker. I haven't had a script for pain meds since my post hospital stay 2 freaking years ago. I'm so tired and drained and I'm just ready for someone to save me. God can only do so much from afar & I don't know. After barreling this crap for 5 years you wander if God has already used your life allowance of miracles.

I just really want to cry and eat a lot of junk food and call Dr. King and sleep until I wake up and I'm not throwing up, nauseated, crapping 10x a day, having severe joint pains and OH GOD the pain. 

Why does this all have to happen my senior year?

Toxic Body Overload(at least I feel that way)

These past few weeks I've been feeling so incredibly sick. I went to the Rheumatologist last week & we talked about the Mayo Clinic(which he said was overrated) & my worsening symptoms. He was mad I was off all of my meds until January. Fast forward to these past two days and man oh man have I been living in hell.

It feels so weird saying this because it feels like it's been longer but yesterday during chapel at school I couldn't open up my jaw to sing so & I just felt like crap so I called home and mom called my GI in Birmingham for an emergency appointment(well his new office is in Gardendale but y'all know him as Birmingham) & he told us to be there at 4:00 which was almost impossible because it was already 11:30 and we still had to pack and his office is hours away from my house. So my parents figuratively threw me in the car and we sped there. I was asleep for a little bit of appointment(because inflammation is draining). He was going to admit me up there but my GI told us his reasons why he was against us going to said hospitals so he called my Rheumatologist back home and to see if he could admit me back home. To hold me over until today he gave me a Cimzia shot. He agreed so we drove BACK half way that same day/night and woke up early to meet my Rheum at his office.

He restarted all of my meds and decided I was too weak to wait to get all the papers ready to be admitted so he restarted my Cimzia with the loading dose and got me in outpatient at the infusion clinic to receive an 800! Mg pulse infusion of steroids(solumedrol). At this point I'm really weak and tired and in pain. I have another infusion tomorrow of the steroids. Ughh so tired of this so back on all my meds I go plus prednisone.

A Thought Provoking Pill

Do you ever have those "What the heck am I waiting for?!?!" moments at night when you're laying in bed by yourself with your headphones in and just thinking about how much of your youth is wasted and why? For me it's my illness. It's robbed me of my child like innocence & made me realize that doctors aren't superhuman and all medicine isn't like Tylenol; not every pill will fix you and in my case none have. I just think about all the could haves and then I get mad at myself and think "How could I let this happen?! How could I let my illness change me?!" But then I realize that it is night and at night everything seems like it has a simple solution and sometimes, you have a false sense of reality.

I often have these life changing thoughts but by morning the pain wakes up when my feet hit the ground and follows me into the shower and crawls down my spine as I bend over to shave my legs and then I realize again that life's not that easy & those sober thoughts were only a side effect of the Tylenol or Tramadol rushing into my system and making the pain seem like it was never there in the first place.

No med trial is starting to catch up with me

As most of you know, most of my doctors agreed that it would be for the best if I stayed off 99% of my meds for a few months so Dr. King can scope me in January and re-access my case. Well I've been off most of my meds(with the exception of Prilosec and Zantac)for almost a month & I already feel like a complete mess. I didn't realize I was this dependent on my meds until now. 

This week has just been 'off' in all sorts of ways. Wednesday I went to see my Rheumatologist and update him about the Mayo Clinic and my symptoms. That morning my bowels were very active so I told him about that along with my joints being affected by the season changes  and he basically said "What are you going to do when your symptoms just keep getting worse? Does Birmingham(what he calls my GI in Birmingham) have a rescue plan for you?" I told him that this whole thing is just a play it by ear type of deal. He wasn't very happy that I was off all of my meds because he knows how unstable my disease is but he made me promise that of I get any worse to call "Birmingham" and go in the hospital. He checked my joint flexibility and asked me if I wanted a flu shot and since the flu is running rampantly in my school I said "sure" and got the shot. I went in late to school Wednesday only to get very nauseated and start vomiting. Since Wednesday I haven't been the same. I'm feeling a little bit better as far as running to the bathroom nonstop goes but the nausea and severe stomach aches are still present. I don't think the flu shot could just instantly make me sick(er) within 2 hours but, then again, I just don't know what to do at this point. 

If I miss school 2 days a week to give my body a break I'm "over-exaggerating" but if I suck it up and go to school and work through the pain(like I did last semester and the year before that and the year before that and the year before that) I'll end up in the hospital in no time and my doctors will get mad at me for waiting too long to call them. Ugh. I can never win. Your health shouldn't be a game like this. 

Honors English 12 writing prompt: In 3 paragraphs write a descriptive essay on the person who has influenced you the most in your life.

In July of 2011 I found myself seventy pounds lighter in a hospital bed at Children's and Women's Hospital. A nurse was placing a nasogastric tube when the team of doctors that were assigned to me came busting through the door. All of them were at a loss as to what was causing my gastrointestinal distress. When the doctor's left one resident, who made clear she wished to stay anonymous, gave my parents a note. The note said something to the tune of "I'm not allowed to refer you to someone outside of the practice but I have a brilliant family friend in Birmingham who could help you. He has a private practice with just he and his colleague." following that was a name and address. That day we called to make an appointment with the mysterious doctor and after mentioning the resident's name we got an appointment the next day. My parents requested for me to be discharged immediately from the hospital so we could see the mysterious doctor.
The next morning I found myself in a crowded room full of whining babies and cowboy boot wallpaper. A nurse took me to the back where soon I would meet the mysterious doctor. While I was sitting down in the back room I heard the clicking of shoes in the hallway that I believed belonged to a hardy parent. Little did I know that in the future, that clicking would be music to my ears and remind me of home. Upon looking up, I met the man who the clicking shoes belonged to. I don't know what I was expecting but he was not it. Standing about 6'5 was a heavy set man in his early fifties. A white coat and suit was no where in sight. The source of the clicking was his authentic cowboy boots and spurs. Hooked to his blue jeans were several pocket knives. Clasped to his wrist was what I would soon learn to be his hallmark accessory-a bronze bracelet that screamed 'tough guy'.
When Dr. King opened his mouth his voice was deep and boomed from the deepest point of his diaphragm and at times the meter in his voice would sing a tune depending on what emotion was flooding his heart. When laughing, his dull eyes melted into a milky gentle brown and the warmth overflowed and made his cheeks rosy red. The crow's feet latched to his eyes did not add age; it only acted as a lace that sowed years of wisdom. Although he had many patients waiting to see him, he spent a long time listening to my symptoms and reading over my chart. He became enraged over the things that angered me. He seemed to genuinely care although we have just met. At the end of the appointment he assured me that he would fix me. Although I have heard that many times, I believed him. Months later he diagnosed me quickly and efficiently. Unfortunately a diagnosis wasn't enough to fix me. One hospital say always sticks out in my mind. I was extremely sick at Children's Alabama in Birmingham. I was by myself in my hospital room because my parents went to the cafeteria to eat lunch. I was so weak I could barely make it from the bathroom to the bed. He was off that day but he came by to see his "kiddo". He sat on my bed, and after glancing at my history book, he talked to me about how he was from the state of Washington and after moving to Alabama he was shocked about how little his wife knew about The Civil War when they met. "Is that just a Southern thing?" he would say with his dumbfounded, jaw slightly dropped face. He gave me a good laugh while distracting me from the pain and fatigue.
That day he promised me that he wouldn't give up on me if I wouldn't give up on him. Although he may not know this, he helped me make a lot of decisions regarding school and acted as Christ to me. Dr. King and I also shared the same sense of sarcastic twisted humor. Before one of my colonoscopy's I wrote a few messages on my butt like "Scope here" and "Having fun yet". Before going under sedation I said "Hey make sure to turn me on my right side!" He argued with me and said that isn't the side they turn you on to scope you but when I said I had a message for him my favorite facial expression of his appeared. The smirk that only appears when he's sarcastic and when we both are up to no good. After my colonoscopy he said he and the nurses got a good laugh out of it and if it was legal, he wished he could have taken a picture of it. Dr. King has made the biggest impact on my life because in him I found who I was, what I aspired to be and more. I will always be grateful for all he has done for my family and I.

Mixing it up Mayo Style

As I'm typing this I'm on my way to the Mayo Clinic for my second appointment with the doctor & an MRI. Not really too excited for the MRI because the contrast you have to drink makes me extremely nauseated but if it helps my doctors I'm all for it! 

   This week has just been very depressing in a lot of ways. I realize that when you meet someone who's been sick for years you may not know what to say or do but whatever you do you just want it to come off positive but some people just end up making me feel really sorry for myself. Like "is my life so pathetic that people feel sorry for me?"

Well today was See You At The Pole & that morning we also had Chapel so God's presence was already felt throughout the school. During Chapel I had very bad stomach cramps. Like cramps that almost made me cry. I was trying to tough it out through Chapel and not disrupt the Holy Spirit moving in people's life. After Chapel I was ready to race to the bathroom but we were told Seniors had to stay after for something. One of my friend's came up and said she felt like God was telling her for all the seniors to pray for a healing touch for me. Let me just tell you how great our God is-I stood in the middle of the Church and everyone laid hands on me and held my hand and several of my classmates said the sweetest most powerful prayers for me to be healed in Jesus name. I couldn't stop thinking how amazing is it for everyone in the senior class loves and cares for each other like a family? 

After Chapel I tried to make it through school but I missed 2nd period entirely because every time I would about to walk into class I had to run down the hallways to make it to the bathroom. By 4th period I was exhausted so I just went home. It's gotten to the point where I can't eat or drink without vomiting or using the bathroom. I haven't missed so much school since my gallbladder surgery in 8th grade when all this started. I'm so worried that I won't get into college but I'm believing that I have the favor of The Lord and everything will workout in the end! Just please continue to keep praying for my family & I! Pray for doctor's to have wisdom, my family to have peace & for me to pass all my tests!

At a Loss

Hello, beautiful reader. I had my first appointment at the Mayo Clinic today and it went bad. Really bad. I don't even know where to start. I'll just begin with the beginning of the appointment. 

I walked in the room with my mom & dad and when the nurse came in she explained that the doctor liked to talk to the patient first, then invite the parents so I just sat there reading a few bible verses and meditating on The Word of God when he walked in. He looked in a rush but, then again, don't most doctors? He said "Do you have parents?" & I said yes sir the nurse said you liked to then he cut me off and called my parents and said something to the tune of "that's weird." Great start right? Yeah, no. He cut my mom and me off constantly questioning everything we said and acting like his knowledge that he got out of a text book was superior to my knowledge I have gotten from living with these diseases. He ultimately questioned my DX and he kind of thought what I have is liver problems because "no test" stated I had Crohn's. I told him about my gastric emptying test and he said that it was inaccurate because of my pain medicine. What in the world did the previous doctors write in my charts for me to get the drug seeker look? Right in that moment I just wanted to break down and cry. I bit my lip to prevent me from sassing him. After I told him I've been exercising and that could be why I've gained weight he contemplated the idea and partially dismissed that himself. At the end of the appointment, he said "we have to find out why you're in this massive amount of pain don't worry we'll get ya fixed." 

Do you know how many times I've heard that? More then I can count on my fingers and toes. The appointment quickly came to the end and he ordered blood work, an MRI, & a stool study.

It's 9:45 P.M here and I've finally broke down and had a good cry. In the bathroom. I just don't know what I've done to deserve this. I just wish all my doctors could feel my pain and all my annoying symptoms. I'm at a loss of what to do. A patient can only do so much. If I don't have Crohn's, then I need to be referred to a therapist because those meds that I took in vain have ruined me. Emotionally and physically. & if I don't have Crohn's why did all those meds give me somewhat of symptom relief? I don't know man. I don't know. This doc is giving me all sorts of bad feels. I don't think he's God ordained or otherwise I wouldn't be feeling this upset. Please pray for me y'all. I need a miracle above all else. 😔 

"Quick" Update...If that's even possible.

Hello lovely's! Long time no read, huh? Well I have a lot to update on. If you follow me on social media you know the gist of what's going on but on this blog I can go in a little bit more detail with y'all, ya know? It's an open canvas.

Well let's start off with Friday shall we? Or wait. Let's just completely back up. After my two hospital stays this Summer my mom started thinking. She was investigating about Crohn's Disease and came across an article about Endometriosis and Crohn's. Her mind started racing. Everytime I go to the hospital I'm on my period or about to start my period. Endometriosis can also latch onto your intestines on the ileum and guess who has a lot of inflammation in her ileum? You got it-me! 

Everything after that was a blur. We had a consult within a week & a month later, last Friday actually, I found myself having exploratory surgery to check for Endometriosis and guess who got diagnosed with Endometriosis? Again, me. It wasn't latched on my intestines surprisingly but I had it everywhere else. The doctor was surprised because of my age but he said it was definitely possible. He burned off all that he could see.

I am actually in the car on the way to the mayo clinic, almost a week post op. After Mayo Clinic we'll discuss treatment options because some could interact with my Crohn's(like birth control). 

I have my appointment in the morning with my doctor at the Mayo Clinic and I'm trying not to think about because if I do I'll drive myself crazy with what-ifs. What if I didn't pray enough? What if he doesn't help me AT ALL? What if? I'm just giving it all to God. He can handle my stress much better than I do. Another blog coming up soon that isn't really Crohn's related. 

Love y'all! Remember to like my FB page Queen of Crohn's! 

It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not fail you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed. (Deuteronomy 31:8)

Plot Twist

Anemics and arthritis form gangs called the crips and bloods

I'm so funny 

He set me free

Redemption- The action of being saved from sin, error or evil.

I have felt the need for so long to over compensate for having an illness. To save myself from my immune system. No matter how much I type or my Uncle Joe's best friend from Oregon types Crohn's and cure in the same sentence on google it's not going to happen. You try all these fad diets or supplements you see on tv to heal arthritis and Crohn's & you just keep getting dissapointed. You cry your eyes out after doctor's appointments because you're still in the same place you were 5 years ago: Not in remission. You just want control. You start getting angry over the stupidest stuff. "My teacher won't let me use a black pen? Am I not allowed to have say in what ink I should have now???" It turns into a never ending cycle all because you're trying to play God.

We hear every Sunday that we don't have to feel this way but we do anyways. I don't even know why I do it anymore. Do you know why you feel like you're trying to yourself from your own problems? I know now. Because we're human and we like control. Well I'm here to tell you today that I have a God who has redeemed me before I was in the womb. We don't have to overcompensate for our flaws or our family's flaws or are best friend's flaws. We've been redeemed. It's not as easy as that though. You don't just read a FB status and think "Well easy for you to say." You have to study the word & see for yourself that you don't have to save yourself because Jesus did that for you before you were conceived.

Big overdue update

Hello everyone, I hope you all had a great weekend! I have a big health update and a big spiritual update so I'll start with the most important update.

At church camp on August 1, my little brother got saved! I am very proud of his big decision to join our heavenly family! It feels good going to sleep at night knowing that I don't have to fear that I won't be with him for eternity. I got saved a while back the summer of before 8th grade at a mission trip. Since then my walk with God has been rocky but at the end of the day my relationship has grown above and beyond what I ever imagined. The thing is though when I got saved I didn't get baptized. I never understood the point of it. Is it not enough to say I'm a christian and act like it? To this day I don't completely understand it other than it being a public profession of faith. I think that's something I'll never truly understand until I do some intense over due studying. Anyways, back to the point. As a family we all decided(with the exception of my father) to attend a big church event that only comes once a year called "Baptism at the beach" we all officially joined my church(again with the exception of my father because he's been part of the church longer than us) and got baptized! I feel weird. Like a huge weight is lifted off my shoulder. I've waited so long. I got saved a few months before all my health drama began and I hate to use that as an excuse for not getting baptized immediately but I really think the reason why I didn't was because no one explained to me what baptism meant and how big of a deal it was. Heck, I'm baptist! Either way, I'm glad it's over and done with.

On another, weird, note here's an update on my health. 

Last time I left off I was weary & a tad indifferent and that's how I still feel. I have a date at the mayo clinic for September 24! It's so real and it makes me so nervous. This is literally the final step. If anyone can help me it's these guys. Truthfully I'm scared for a number reasons. What if they make me have surgery? What if they take me off medicine and I get sicker? What if? It just makes me anxious thinking about it. I'm trying to avoid thinking about it in hopes it will go away but I know it won't. After I found out about the Mayo Clinic we went to see my gynecologist to update him about all my Crohn's related issues and hospital issues. My mom did some research and wanted to discuss other potential diseases that could be causing my pain in addition to Crohn's. She thinks I have Endometriosis because every time I flare I'm either on or about to start my period. My periods are always irregular, I've always had vaginal involvement with my Crohn's and I could go on and on about reasons why but it's kind of awkward blogging about this so I'll leave it at that Hahahaha. There's also the possibility of intestinal endometriosis which can occur in the ileum and rectum which is where a lot of my symptoms are. After talking to him he agreed that it's a possibility so I am getting surgery to check for it on September 12(or 13 I forgot). I will have a preop ultrasound & doctor's appointment the week before and a post op ultrasound the week after. He will be checking my reproductive system and if Mayo clinic wants to, they can check my intestines. So I will be getting my post op ultrasound literally 3 days before I leave for the mayo clinic. It's crazy timing and we'll be cutting it close but it will be good to have a definite "yes" or "no". 

That's it for now; stay tuned for the next episode of my journey. To get daily updates follow me on twitter @Curlycrohnie or "like" my Facebook page Queen of Crohn's

To Mayo Clinic & Beyond!

Hello everyone I have a lot to update so sit back, grab a beverage of your choice and make yourself comfortable.

A few weeks ago after coming home from Convention with my sorority I was put in the hospital because of a typical flare up of my 4 1/2-5 year flare up and I received an NG tube
to see if enteral feeding would help my Crohn's. Well a week from yesterday I went back into the hospital because my pain was not controlled and the nausea was unbearable. I had a two week check up from my hospital stay that I mentioned previously, at my local GI's office. I told him I couldn't handle it anymore and I needed to go back in the hospital so he readmitted me. Simple enough? Oh noo. Of course not. Nothing is ever simple with me! We met the on call doctor who let's just call Dr. Joe. Dr. Joe had a completely different view of handling my case then my local GI whom I see regularly, Dr. G. He refused to give me pain medicine and told me the reason I was in pain was because I ate popsicles on my NG tube diet even though the discharge papers at my last visit said I could have popsicles!!! We complained to any and every nurse, resident and doctor until finally they gave me pain medicine-1mg of morphine. At this point I was in a ball crying my eyes out and burping up my NG tube feeds. For those that are drug illiterate-I can give 1mg of morphine to my puppy and he'll still be running around acting normal. Needless to say it didn't work. Not only did it not work but I could only have it every 8 hours. My mom and my primary care physician were FURIOUS. This game went back and forth and they finally upped it to only 2mg. Keep in mind that the last week they gave me a real dose of morphine around the clock. I was just in so much pain I could barely handle it.They attempted to regulate my NG tube feelings over 20 hours a day and not even that worked. By that time I was crying and in tremendous pain. Then the doctors came in & wanted to do surgery!! I was so fed up we asked to be discharged and I yanked that freaking NG tube out of my nose & slung it in the trash can and mumbled a few not very nice words to the nurses and we LEFT. We discharged the day after I got admitted. The doctors said other mean stuff to us but I won't repeat it because it just makes me angry thinking about it. As soon as we left we called my compassionate knowledgeable primary GI in Birmingham to make an appointment. At least he knew my case! This Wednesday I had an appointment with my Rheumatologist and he explained to me the pros and cons of surgery in a rational understanding way but he agreed with our decision to go see Dr. King for a second opinion. So yesterday we left for Birmingham and arrived that night. We shopped around and tried to make the best of the trip. We woke up and drove to his office this morning. We saw him and found out that he didn't have hospital privileges still because he just moved into his new office so he couldn't admit us but he definitely pointed us in the right direction.

He said I'm just me; I'm not textbook Crohn's, I have a few disorders and diseases, and my immune system is basically overwhelmed. He is referring me to Mayo clinic and said he wouldn't be shocked if they DX me with more diseases or immunodeficiency. He thinks that's the best bet because they'll have a team of specialists for each of my diseases. The only thing he's worried about is that they'll just think(I'm paraphrasing Dr. King's words) " 'Oh well she's flaring in several places but it's not that bad. Let's try adding another med; Well yeah it's not THAT bad but it's still bad and you're on a dumpster truck load of meds and haven't been in remission in the last 5 years. Another medication isn't going to work!!" I have almost no MEDICINAL options left and he thinks surgery may be helpful it's just a matter of WHAT to take out. He said the fact that I've been flaring for 5 years & can't achieve remission even with taking over 15 different medications is a problem. He said the downside is it's impossible to take out all my inflamed parts so I still won't be in remission if they remove the ileum and/or colon. He said the biggest upside to surgery is that although I wouldn't be in complete remission it will finally give my mess time to work on a level playing field to get the other parts in remission. He said taking my intestines out wont matter as far as absorbing because I can't absorb anything anyways. :-)

So looks like Mayo Clinic is our best bet. I'm going to be praying like crazy that they can help me. God doesn't always give us understanding but he does give us this thing called faith. Sometimes faith fails but that's because you are attempting to have God's understanding when it's impossible to.

My friends from school visited me during my hospital stay last week! They brought me goodies and everything. They are so sweet.

My friend visited me on the 4th of July during the hospital stay!

I had a PICC line and everything during my first hospital stay! My veins are cruddy from long term prednisone use. I stayed about 10 days during the first hospital stay.

In the middle of all this I celebrated my birthday at the beach with family and friends. I am on a luggage cart in this picture :)

"Like" my Facebook page Queen of Crohn's. You'll see my face as the profile picture. 

God is good all the time!

This is really random but I feel like God has really blessed me throughout this journey with my Crohn's Disease. I may not always know why bad things happen to me but eventually God reveals to me the meaning behind my suffering.

I'm adopted. If you know me personally this isn't a shocker. My parents adopted me at the age of 18 months after they were only married for two months. My biological mother knew she couldn't give me financially what my adoptive parents could so she made the brave decision to give me to my birth parents. Do you think it's a coincidence that I just so happen to have a diseases that requires a lot of money to maintain with expensive medications and alternative therapies? I think not. One time my mom had a revelation moment in church when she just balked because she realized God put me in their life for a reason. God IS good. All. The. Time.

In 8th grade I met Dr. S a rheumatologist because after my stay at the hospital to remove my gallbladder because I woke up with horrible joint pains after surgery. He didn't help originally but soon my joint pains went away for a few months. & I didn't need him anymore. Then I had my first real symptomatic Crohn's flare my freshman year of high school. The joint pains came back and I revisited Dr. Sc. Now we know those joint pains and that gallbladder problem were related to my Crohn's.

When I was jumping through hoops to get a DX and to find a doctor who believed me and who would actually care enough to DX me I asked God to show me a rainbow before meeting the GI that would DX me and I also asked for him to be sarcastic and just understand my personality. Literally that same day I was released from the hospital and was on my way to meet my current main GI Dr. King and I saw a rainbow. I met him at his office and we just clicked. He DX me within two months with Crohn's Disease. I literally love that man to death. He is funny and sarcastic and just an amazing man. I recommend him to everyone! He was a god send. I pray for him all the time as well as his family. He really means a lot to my family & I. Okay done gloating. He may see this and I don't want him to get a big head ;) 

I also met a Dr. last summer when I was in the hospital down here locally and couldn't make it to B-ham to see Dr. King. I saw him as a baby because I had "IBS"(now we know it was Crohn's the whole time) but he left for years and came back to my hometown coincide tally the same summer I got admitted to the hospital. He helped immensely and although we recently fired him from being my Dr. because he overstepped his boundaries by being accusative and just plain mean he did help when I needed him. God knew I needed him in my life for a set amount of time. He got him out of my path for a reason that I may not know till a latter date.

Mrs. Anderson. I had a teacher my freshman year of high school whose personality fit mine like a glove. I have never met a person who just got my sarcasm other than my family. She was going through personal struggles and God laid her on my heart to reach out and support her. Little did I know a few months later she would be supporting me more than I could fathom helping her. She was(still is)like a mother figure to me as well as a friend to me when my first Crohn's symptoms appeared. She supported me through my journey to get a DX and visited me in the hospital when I was still largely unDX. God knew I needed someone to minister me because God knows I doubted my faith many times during that period of time.

Mrs. Crutchfield was my History teacher my junior year of high school. She is just so weird and precious and I just ADORE her. I just so happened to of had her as a teacher her last year teaching at my school before moving. She is a cancer survivor and was very sensitive to my personal lacking a and failures due to but not limited to my Crohn's Disease. She inspires me to keep the good fight. She was recently DX with cancer again around the same time as my flare up of my flare up that I'm currently enduring and she just handles it with such grace and courage! She makes me realize it could be so much worse. She came into my life when I needed her most and God knew she would touch my life in a way no other person has.

I mostly posted this for me to realize just a few of many people God has blessed me with. Goodnight y'all and I hope you have a great day at church tomorrow. 

Peace & love

-E.

I don't want to be the sick girl anymore but everyone expects a never ending performance.

I'm just tired of being sick even though that's what I seem to do best. I want to wake up and think "I'm going to have dinner friends" and then go have dinner with friends. Not just that, no. I want to be able to have dinner with friends and then go to the movies afterwards and eat popcorn without a second thought. How can I do that when I can't even wake up and walk a few feet without withering in pain? There's so many walls to knock down with so little time. 

I guess you can tell it's been a bad day? Well, you'd be right to think so. I woke up from a miserable night with little sleep to only have endless diarrhea with a hint of blood. I was volunteering at a hospital and had to excuse myself constantly to poop. I'm not even embarrassed. I'm just frustrated. Then I come home only to enjoy joint pain in my knees and feet.

Oh and it'd be nice to have a nurse from a doctors office return a call every once in a while.

It's not fair. It's just not fair.

*insert life aint fair kiddo*

Camp M.A.S.H.

Saturday I got back from Camp M.A.S.H otherwise known as Camp MakeArthritisStopHurting! I have been looking forward to it for months & it was everything I expected it to be and more! A guy in my grade who has had JA since he was a toddler told me about this camp so I was happy to join him! I was in a cabin with 9 other girls around my age who suffered from JA, Lupus or Fibromyalgia. I was one of the older ones so I felt like kind of the momma hen in a group of chicks(literally) but it was still major fun! I met a 15 year old girl whom I hit it off with immediately! She made me come out of my introverted shell almost immediately and if it wasn't for her I probably wouldn't of had made as many friends as I did. She's a tumblr gal who loves to read and write and when I found out we both have a soft spot for John Green I knew we were kindred spirits.

At camp they separated us into teams by age and my team-the CIT's-got team tye-dye! There were probably over 20 boys and girls on my team and by the end of the week we were a family. We eat, slept & danced together all day every day. It was a blast! I rode horses for the first time and I fell in love with my horse for the week, Will. He was so sweet and patient. Team Tie-dye painted a bench together and planted flowers in Camp M.A.S.H Garden during arts and crafts time. We did archery and a ropes course together for team building exercise which was very tiring but very rewarding since there was a zip line! 

I also got to meet so e awesome nursing students and pediatric Rheumatologist's who worked with one of my GI doctors and that was really cool.

It was a great time and I have zero complaints!

Worse week and day of the entire year

I just feel so lost and need to write and get all my emotions out before I have a breakdown.

Well, let's start with this week. This week I've had very bad vertigo. It has interfered with everything. It started on Monday after school. I was on my way home when all of a sudden I had a massive headache; I was nauseated and just felt yuck. When I went home I took a pill that was a left over from my previous treatment of vertigo last year. The next day I felt wonky and found myself asleep in Chemistry. Which, to me, was no big deal considering I have an A, but my teacher disagreed with me so I got called out. After class ended I phoned home because at that point I was so sleepy and dizzy I didn't care. I slept for the remainder of the day. On Wednesday is when my whole world flipped upside down, literally. I was taking a shower before school and as I leaned my head back under the nozzle and massaged shampoo in my hair I felt a swift jolt in my lower abdomen followed by a feeling of doing a complete 360 in my head. I fell to my knees but I eventually stood up again. After standing I felt a series of tiny but powerful punches in my stomach that hurt enough that I screamed at the top of my lungs. My younger brother raced in the bathroom an asked if I needed his assistance. After that, everything is blurry. I believe he may have helped me into the bed and I told him to relay these series of events to momma and tell her that I was not going to school because three hours later I woke up naked in a fetal position, with soap suds still in my hair. Later I went to school and finished out the day. That day my mother phoned my GI doctors(my GI doctors are pretty much my pediatricians, internist, neurologist and super man wrapped into one big package). Dr. King didn't answer for whatever reason, neither did Cacyn or Vivi. Dr. Gremse nurse eagerly answered the phone though and I got an appointment with him asap the next day. He wasn't even in clinic that day but he was sweet enough to meet us there at 2:00.

By this time I was averaging 12 hours of asleep a day due to various factors. When we met Dr. Gremse my mother decided that she wanted him to admit me but he didn't seem to think that was necessary(thank GOD) so my mother randomly decided that she thought it was best to get a colonoscopy. After that everything happened so fast. I'm still in shock. Dr. Gremse had an opening Friday(today) at the GI lab so he and my mother put together a game plan for trying to diagnose my strange symptoms. They scheduled me to have a CT scan, blood work and a colonoscopy immediately. So that day I went to lab corps and got blood work done then after that I went home and started the colonoscopy prep! I don't eat much so it wasn't that big of a deal for me to of had a liquid diet that day.

I got my colonoscopy at 10:00 AM. I absolutely hate colonoscopys especially at that hospital because of their unique protocol. I was already upset because one, I didn't want the colonoscopy and upper endoscopy and two, it took three painful tries to get an IV. Then it came time for anesthesia. Other than the pooping non stop the night before, that is the worse part of getting scoped, at least for me. I have a sensitive nose so the smell of anesthesia makes me want to vomit. I would rather smell feces then that god awful stuff. I even aspirated on myself one time because I was so nauseated by the smell but that's a different story for a different time. They put on the "oxygen mask"(which was really anesthesia. This isn't my first rodeo peoples) and I almost had a panic attack and punched the nurses. The smell was just...ugh. I did twist and turn and held my breath for a good while. Finally the IV sedation hit and I was out!

The colonoscopy showed very little inflammation, surprisingly. I just had a patch or two in my colon and ileum. The upper endoscopy showed that my gastritis was back with a vengeance and they found a new little surprise: a Hiatal Hernia. Although it is small, it's still a freaking hernia. I don't need surgery just yet though. My CT was clear and my blood work showed vitamin deficiency's! again. Which is strange because he kept saying I had malabsorption but I don't understand how I have that if I'm in endoscopic remission???? The GI believes that is what's causing my vertigo.

Currently, I am sitting in my dark bedroom typing 12:00 AM and meditating to the sound of clicking of the keyboard. I am really upset and angry and I don't know why. I guess because I feel like I'm undiagnosed again. Attempting to justify my symptoms with nothing to back it up. With every twitch of pain I feel like crying because no one really knows why I'm feeling this. I hate the ole "Maybe it's muscle cramps" because by now I know my body and I know something isn't right. I know the low grade inflammation could be causing this but I doubt it. I know something is going on with my body and someone is over looking it. I had this same feeling last year at this same time of the year, right after my colonoscopy. My doctors over looked it and thought it was nothing. Then one month later I ended up in the hospital for a week. I think that's why I didn't want the colonoscopy. Ignorance is purely bliss. So here I am debating if I want to look up this medical jargon he told me or will it only make me more upset. People keep telling me "Oh that's good news that your CT is good and that your inflammation is down". How is that supposed to me make me feel better? I'm still in pain. I still can't hear from the vertigo.


I just need a cure. I am determined to find a cure for this freaking disease. I'm tired of it taking away my life and making me miserable.

Health Post-dumbed down version

I haven't done a post about my health in a month or two which is good because I have been enjoying all of what life has to offer me and my symptoms have been minimum but alas, paradise is lost. I have had some health issues pop up again and it's the same subtle persistent feeling I had a few moths prior to my June hospital admission.

My 'stomach' is killing me in the bottom right again and the burning is persistent. I am experiencing symptoms of vertigo, fatigue, headaches, body aches and just having no interest in anything. Okay the last one could be attributed to senioritis but ya know I'm just throwing that out there. I can't stop sleeping during my classes. Especially 3rd and 4th period. It's annoying but at this point my grades are good enough in those classes I can do whatever and get by. My life has been full of drama and anxiety(I've never felt that before) over things that I care deeply about. I'm sure that is a factor in this health mess. I think Cimzia isn't working as well as it once did.

I would call Dr. King but he's too stressed atm so I guess I'll wait till I end up in the ER. Blahhh.


Prayers appreciated. Sometimes I need to vent but I don't like bringing up my issues when my friends have their own little issues.

Peace out boy scout

Spring Break is Over

Tomorrow is another Monday as far as I'm concerned unfortunately. It was one of the best Spring Break's ever though! Last spring break I had to get a colonoscopy and upper endoscopy and we all know how fun that is! As far as my health goes it's been pretty calm other than a few mishaps. I've been craving sugar like there is no tomorrow and I decided to kind of lay off the 'not important meds' which I have found are quite important contrary to my personal belief.

For the first part of spring break we(my family) got a condo at Orange Beach and I had a few of my friends over every night. The beach was beautiful, the condo was very beach chic, and I had a lot of fun, It felt good to let my hair down after having constant tests and reading To Kill a Mockingbird in less than three weeks. I Some friendships were made stronger than ever! I got a Michael Kors wristlet that holds my cards & phone and I got a cute bathing suit that I wanted! It's in my pictures below; it's the one with buttons. I thought it was high wasted but it wasn't-it's still cute though. I really enjoyed myself & I hope to squeeze some time in and do it again this summer. It feels like I've missed out on my entire high school experience because of my health so I'm trying to makeup for lost time. I did get my senior portraits done though over spring break! I'll post them later when they're all done.

On the way back from the beach we realized we had a Crohn's & Colitis Support Group Meeting that night so we went to that since we have skipped a few. I talked to Harry and asked him how he liked my GI doctor and he said he was awesome! I'm telling you guys my GI doctor is phenomenal! Just don't tell him that because it'll all go to his head :) My mom was talking about at the support group meeting about her worries for me at college. Most moms are scared about their kid becoming an alcoholic but not mine!
Mom: I'm always worried about Elizabeth's future. During spring break I kept asking her if she took her meds and that made me realize: Who's going to pick up her medicine from the pharmacy in college? Who's going to drive her to the hospital? Who's going to check on her? I also don't want something that I did to affect her future. When her time comes to have children what if she can't? What if it's because of the choices I made regarding her medicine? I'm letting her now make some decisions regarding her health. She's all for it but I'm not sure.

Can we just give my mom a hand for all she's done for me regarding my health, especially? It's funny but it's also the sad truth. When you have a chronic illness it's not always about the here and now. Every choice you make regarding your health will affect your future in a very serious way.

I won't bore you with all the other events in my life that's going on. Just pray I get accepted into all these summer medical programs please and especially the RMH Youth Leadership Board. I'm considering asking some of my GI doctors if I can be their slave and hopefully observe when they are doing their rounds at the hospital or their office. I really would love that but I don't know if that's asking too much? Or if they are like stand offish when it comes to their job? I don't know I just have a lot of thoughts running in my mind.

Sex is a beautiful sacred art form

So stop treating it like it's casual

It's not

You need the perfect tools, the right canvas and an solid idea

So wait till the time

And the person is right

And be ready for a masterpiece

A Night Fit For a Princess

Last night was the night I dreamed about since I was a little girl-prom night! I have been counting the days down and it did indeed arrived! The whole day leading up to prom was a nightmare but m friend came through for me and the night ended on a light note.
It started out last sunday when I went to New Orleans with four other friends to buy our masks for Junior/Senior. Yes, the theme was masquerade! On the way over there I was very nauseated but I thought that it was car sickness. The next day was when everthing just went wrong. My neck was hurting, my stomach was cramping, my hips ached and my head was spinning. I thought it was the flu so my mom made me go to the Urgent Care. Okay can I get off track for a second and then I'll go back to the story & then to prom?

The PA was young and of course was a little overwhelmed with my medical history. When questioning me about my symptoms she said "Is there any chance you could be pregnant?" I shook my head and and said no. Then a few minutes later she abruptly asked me to go outside alone into another room with her. She closed the door quietly and said "I know you said you weren't pregnant but you're 16. You're an adult. Are you pregnant?" I looked at her in complete disgust. First of all, you JUST took a urine sample. If I was pregnant it would be positive and second of all I already told you I was on my period. I'm not a doctor but aren't those two things indicative of me not being preggo? ! I just looked at her and said "If I'm pregnant you're looking at the next virgin Mary." Her face was a mix of shame, disbelief and an awkward smile. Let me tell you guys, I walked out of there so triumphantly. I then called back to her as I walked out of the room, in front of the doctor who asked her to ask me again if I was pregnant "I've never had sex by the way."

Okay back to the story. My urine sample didn't show anything so that was good enough for me but luckily my mother wanted it cultured which lead me to get my problem diagnosed. The next day my mom got a call from Urgent Care and either they or my GI scheduled me to go to the OBGYN asap, which was thursday. My culture showed infection so we needed to see what was going on. I did have to miss my band trip the next day which was disappointing. It turned out I had a bacterial infection so I'm now on medicine to treat it. A rectovaginal fistula wasn't found. I am still progressively getting worse and I know something isn't right but I can't put my finger on it.

Well, this week has also been a very bad week for other family members. Everything from the pink eye to sinus infections are blooming in the Schmidt house. My mom was in bed till 2:00, it was raining, so I did pretty much everything by myself. My friend came over to do my hair and makeup which was a life saver. I was stressing out so much and I knew I was going to be a hot freaking mess but alas, I was not. I looked kind of decent. Since everyone was sick none of my family members saw me all dressed up. No pictures with dad. Nothing. I went over to my friend's house with about 10 other girls and we all took pictures together there and then went to prom. Our prom isn't like a real prom. It's actually called Junior/Senior Banquet because all we do is sit down and eat. It's pretty lame but it's the closest thing to a prom we have. It was still beautiful though! The 'prom' was at the Mobile Museum of Art so it was very elegant. After the banquet my friends & I went to an after party that a senior was throwing where we actually danced. It was kind of lame in some ways but maybe if I was feeling better it would've been better. I still had fun & was grateful I got invited.

Here is some pictures of me (:

Mrs. C- I'm going to miss her so much when she moves. She has taught me so much by saying so little. She always hugs me and pats me on the back when I feel so bad at school. She's the only teacher who has ever truly understood my pain as she's a cancer survivor. She is so beautiful & I can only pray that I can be like her one day. She is the weirdest person I've ever met but through it she has taught tolerance and love. I'm sad that our short time together is going to come to an end but she is going where God leads her and is going to bless other kids like me. This isn't goodbye but see you soon.

 

Peace, Love & Aliens