A Thought Provoking Pill

Do you ever have those "What the heck am I waiting for?!?!" moments at night when you're laying in bed by yourself with your headphones in and just thinking about how much of your youth is wasted and why? For me it's my illness. It's robbed me of my child like innocence & made me realize that doctors aren't superhuman and all medicine isn't like Tylenol; not every pill will fix you and in my case none have. I just think about all the could haves and then I get mad at myself and think "How could I let this happen?! How could I let my illness change me?!" But then I realize that it is night and at night everything seems like it has a simple solution and sometimes, you have a false sense of reality.

I often have these life changing thoughts but by morning the pain wakes up when my feet hit the ground and follows me into the shower and crawls down my spine as I bend over to shave my legs and then I realize again that life's not that easy & those sober thoughts were only a side effect of the Tylenol or Tramadol rushing into my system and making the pain seem like it was never there in the first place.