My night consists of coloring and listening to country music 📝🎼 While every one else is having fun with family and friends. I think a lot of my jealousy stems from that too. Since my family is broken all traditions have been thrown out the window. It just doesn't feel like Christmas.
Well I didn't get my Christmas wish for a cure for #Crohnsdisease #Gastroparesis #Endometriosis #JuvenileRheumatoidArthritis or any of my MANY diseases but at least Santa gave me tools to help pass time till the time comes for me to be cured(like coloring)!
Next week I seriously need to register for college this upcoming semester. Every time we try to go I'm ALWAYS sick in agony at home or in the hospital. Everyone keeps telling me it's okay if I just take this year off to focus on my health. I graduated high school in May and was all ready for college but of course I was in the hospital during registration AND the first two weeks of classes so I had no choice but to hold off. Which was actually a blessing in disguise because with all these surgeries and hospital admissions no way I could've kept up in college. I know a few spoonies who didn't go to college right after high school and had to take a year off for their health and now they're VERY successful in their careers after they finally graduated. I just don't want my diseases to hold me back. We're going to try to see if I can only take like 3/4 classes this upcoming semester and have them be at the Fairhope campus or preferably online. Fairhope is a hour drive so I'll have to drive a hour each way for classes so we're trying to make accommodations for me because of my being disabled. I'm trying not to freak out. Even if I only take 3 classes I just want to be able to go to college. I hate my illnesses for holding me back so much. Sorry I've been negative lately but I'm just going through this phase where I see all my friends and ppl my age partying, going to college and having fun and here I am. Laying in bed, pushing pain and nausea meds in my feeding tube, coloring and fighting for my life. I get this feeling every once in a while where I want to be like everyone else but I never will be.
Those who have your health, you have no idea how blessed you are. I envy every one of you. I get jealous even because y'all are so blessed. I look at pictures of old friends from high school drinking(although I don't envy that), partying, EATING, being able to do whatever you want without excruciating pain. I'm blessed for the little health I have left. I just hope you know how blessed you are to not have to live your life everyday being miserable.
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