According to Webster, that's hope. & today I've been lacking that.
Everything that's been happening recently is taking away my hope. My veins seem to only be able to take a few doses of medications at a time before blowing. The nurses just don't even care they continue to keep on digging for more and more veins claiming that all the phenergan and narcotics over the years have ruined my veins. When that's not the case at all because I barely ask for pain medicine/nausea medicine because I hate not having control over my body. It's from the 4 years of steroids thinning out my veins.
My GI doctors keep wanting to do tests but they claim I've had more radiation than anyone in Mobile County. And then they don't want to do any treatments because I have my "whole life ahead of me."
Well duh. Obviously I don't want to be here. I do have my whole life ahead of me that's why I'm freaking tired of being sick and not even being able to stay a week at arthritis camp, that is 15 minutes from my house, without being sick.
Now my GI wants to run a few more tests including an EGD in the morning even though I just had one last month & it showed gastritis. They also may put in my PICC line tomorrow while I'm under anesthesia. He also wants to maybe try to send me elsewhere to see why I'm having such weird symptoms. He even mentioned going to Oschner to see if they can try to get me off all medicine for 3 months to see how bad it gets & then run tests since steroids and my other meds are covering up test results. If you remember, I tried that with the Mayo Clinic and only lasted 3 weeks. It was miserable.
So we're stuck. No one wants to run tests, RX new drugs or basically do anything to help me other than attempt to make me comfortable(which is hard to do because nurses keep changing his orders).
I just finally had a mental breakdown and cried. & cried. & cried. You always hear 30 year olds complain with trivial things like back pain and say "I'm too young for this." Well I'm nearly 18 and I'm too young for this. Millions of kids under 18 are too young for this. Every milestone most kids reach has taken a lot longer to pass or has taken way more effort. I memorized all my medications and doses in 8th grade. Instead of learning to drive at 16 I learned how to call in medicines to Rite Aide. It just sucks & I just had a little pity party. I just want someone, anyone, to help me. Cure me. Please.
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